// Big Day Tomorrow, For Me

Tomorrow I will be presenting my EarthSpark research paper at the annual symposium, where past award winners present their research process to current students in the program! I was there in the audience at last year's symposium, so this is a full circle moment for me :D I've practiced my presentation plenty of time this week, so I feel prepared for tomorrow. However, that's not to say I don't get the nervous jitters... I consider myself a decent public speaker, but I do have the tendency to speak too fast from nervousness. There's also slight imposter syndrome because what if the presenters before me absolutely blows it out of water LOL. Anyways, nothing too concerning, just a normal level of nervous energies before a big presentation.

Recently I kind of got into Dune (it's a whole 'nother thing that I won't unpack right now) and I've been unironically repeating the Litany Against Fear to help deal with anxiousness/nervousness. If I believe in it hard enough eventually it'll actually work :P

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I can be quite indecisive at times, paralyzed by inaction. I spent a great deal of time debating over what to wear tomorrow. I wanted to wear a button up with ruffles and dress pants because 1) it's my style I think it looks good and 2) it gives me gender euphoria. I've actually worn the exact same outfit to school multiple times for no particular reason other than I want to feel a little fancy lol. However, there is the matter of overdressing for the occasion... This symposium the vibe is pretty informal I'd say. All the students attending are in their every day school outfits; definitely not a business casual event. I even pulled up images from last year's symposium, and none of the presenters were in formal outfits. But gah I need to stop overthinking it. I'm gonna wear this outfit tomorrow because I Want To. And hey, can you really overdress for the occasion, if you own up to it? Honestly just be confident; it is my sincere belief that a long as you have aura, you can dress however you like and people will think it's Your Style.

I also have a midterm right after the symposium so that's contributing to my nervousness too lol. First test of the quarter actually. Nothing I can do at this point, I'm done studying.

Might edit this post tomorrow with an update! :D